How do I put this…

…I do not like this project. This project being the “misued and abused” project. I have not been able to “gel” with it and because of that I don’t feel that I am able to do my best. This project is frustrating me because I am not feeling creative. There is no wrong way to do the project, yet I feel like I can’t produce anything worth while. Maybe I missed the purpose. Honestly, I can’t wait to move on. It’s not just this class though. I’ve been feeling brain dead since this semester started. I’m sure that my questionare is indication enough.

When this project was introduced, I was excited. It was fun to play with blueberries like I was a kid again. I felt playful by the end of class. Maybe I didn’t take enough pictures or the right kind of pictures, but once we went to the computers, that’s when my struggles began. I felt strangly constricted by the words given in step 3, yet overwhelmed by the vagueness of the whole assignment. My own interpretation? What do I know?

What helped me was talking to my peers and working with them and also speaking to you (Luke). Having another few sets of eyes around helped push me to “finish” the third step. Now into the fourth step, I started out strong but am dwindling again. I haven’t even finished it yet and yes, I know that it’s due Wednesday. Last Friday in class we had a lot of work time class, yet I only got one “term” done. I don’t know if I was just too distracted by everyone else or just tired or what, but again I felt blocked. I thought taking a couple days off from it would help me recoop, but now I am feeling reluctant to go back into the project. I feel like this project has been a failure from the beginning and I can’t seem to find any success. Other people have told me otherwise but I just don’t see it.

I’m hoping to learn how to be more openly creative. More free with my art by being given this creative freedom. I feel since I’ve been going to art college (in VT too), I’ve been given an assignment and told to do it. My freedom has been cramped. I used to draw every day when I was in middle school and high school. When I went to college, my creative side was dampened. I was hoping to start new when I moved out here and truly become an artist here at SFUAD. I am hoping this “funk” is just a phase…because I feel like my hair is going to start falling out.

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